The Clock – (150 Words or Less)

Write about anything you’d like. Somewhere in your post, include the sentence, “I heard the car door slam, and immediately looked at the clock.” 

Time was running out. Hell, I didn’t even know how much I had to begin with, but I was sure by now my hourglass was empty.

It’s funny how we’re content to let time tick by, hour by hour, day by day. We’re careful with money, which comes and goes, but our precious time we treat far too loosely.

Now my time was gone. I was on borrowed time and I was just waiting for someone to come collect.

Another car drove by and I twitched at the curtains again. Not this time.

If I knew what it would cost I never would have gotten in so deep. But that’s how some people make a living and how some people end up dead, we forget to count the cost.

I heard the car door slam, and immediately looked at the clock. Time up.

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10 thoughts on “The Clock – (150 Words or Less)

  1. Pingback: Daily Prompt: The Clock « MythRider

  2. You are off to a great start. You had seven words available in your 150 word limit.
    “Now my time was gone. I was on borrowed time and I was just waiting for someone to come collect.” I would suggest shortening this to “Now my time was gone. I was on borrowed time and waiting for someone to collect.” Then expound on how you twitched at the curtains.

  3. I liked the story. But one thing that kind of bothers me. Maybe it is just me, but the background you have going on is rather distracting. It takes away from your writing. If you want us to focus on the written word, the I would suggest a different background. Just a thought. It is your blog and you can do with it what you will. :-)

  4. Hi Sammy, I like this. In the first paragraph I would take out the ‘but’ and begin the next sentence with ‘I was sure . . .” In the third paragraph the second sentence take out the second ‘I’. I like the empty hourglass image you have in the first paragraph. I actually would like to see that image continued in the third paragraph. Instead of saying, “Now my time was gone,” repeat “My hourglass was empty.” and have it change places with the second sentence (and keep Simpklu’s wording suggestion for the second sentence). The last sentence should read, “Time’s up.” And, I actually think it would be more powerful if you set it apart by making it a new paragraph.

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